You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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