And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
