So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
