remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize