Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
