wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
