when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
