don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
