i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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