Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
