Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
