He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
