You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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