I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
