I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
