she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
