I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
