puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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