You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
