Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
being pregnant is like rehab
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
