Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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