Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
