How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
