I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
