Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
