Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
