i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
