Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
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he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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