dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
