I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
