his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
