we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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