Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Found the puke drawer
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Floor bacon is actually really good
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
