There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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