He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
