I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
