Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
