I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
soo... how was my night?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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