is your mom at the bar?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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