When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
