Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
