i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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