it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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