i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
