Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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