I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
