Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
