I just pynch a tree in the face
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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