Betty ford says i'm here all night
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
