I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
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he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
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Can you bring me the toilet please
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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