You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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