She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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