You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
