Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
