It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
