Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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