the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
