She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
