Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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