i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
