Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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