I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
