The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Randomize
