some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
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I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
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My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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