why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
