think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
