Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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