Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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