I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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