I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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