I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
