I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
