I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
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I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
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Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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