i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
