there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's shark week go big or go home
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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