Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
