Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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