I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
